all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
