Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize