It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
