what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
