oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
