I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How does it feel to date your dad?
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