so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
where does the pee come out of this thing
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
