Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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