Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize