Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
