i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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