You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize