First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
