I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I need a beard to bite.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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