Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
