'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
