I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
