I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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