I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
