I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
