he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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