Where did you get a picture of my penis
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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