We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
