I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
