Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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