woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize