He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
