And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
