She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
