I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
