things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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