Porn is love you can see.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
