My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
