I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
