You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize