There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
