I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
