I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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