I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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