My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
