If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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