garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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