i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
