I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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