So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We have so much sex to catch up on
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
