it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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