Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
