he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i now understand why vodka
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
