so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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