3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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