Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
