The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
