There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
