It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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