we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize