my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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