My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
