I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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