i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
