sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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