did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
