I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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