dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
