My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You need a sexual gate keeper
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
