O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
