I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
