Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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