Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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