why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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