You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
